Look, no one said co-parenting was easy.
Not only is there the logistics of the whole arrangement, and making sure the kids are happy, there’s all kinds of feelings involved too.
How do step-parents know when they’re overstepping?
This is the predicament that the woman in this story found herself in when she was confused about being excluded from her boyfriend’s daughter’s birthday celebrations.
Read on to find out what happened.
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we live together. We both have kids: I have mine 24/7, while he has his daughter every other weekend. Sometimes his daughter stays with me for all of her school break while her dad works.
When we got together we agreed that we would treat each others’ kids as our own. I try to be involved as much as I can, but I try not to overstep as he co-parents with his ex.
I haven’t met his ex yet: I haven’t asked to meet her and neither has she.
At this point in our relationship I assume that I’m his family. Yet he keeps me separate from his daughter when it comes to sports, birthday parties, etc. He never invites me, only says “I have this going on for my daughter” and is on his way. I’ve always respected it, never questioned it, and remained in the background.
Let’s see what happened to make this peaceful arrangement go sour.
Three months ago, he mentioned he would work overtime or get a second job to save up for a trip to Disney World for his daughter’s birthday.
He never invited me, he only mentioned it. I assumed eventually he’d tell me more and invite me, but he didn’t and I never brought it up.
A few weeks later we had a BBQ with friends at our house. One of our friends overheard that he had a Disney trip planned for his daughter’s birthday without me. She told him he should take me and give me my place as his future wife in his family.
I joked and said “he didn’t invite me because his ex doesn’t want me there.” He avoided the comment, all he said was “it’s going to be my ex’s first time going to Disney, she’s never been there.” I let it be and moved on.
Hmm. Let’s find out what happened next.
Two months later, he brought it up again. I asked questions about who was going. He said: “my daughter, both my parents and my ex.”
I said ok. He brought up again, and this time he mentioned a friend of his ex was going, and that made me feel something, but I let it be out of respect for his daughter.
He talked about it again today, said he wants to go fish out there, plans to stay longer with his dad while his mom, his daughter, his ex and her friend will come back sooner.
I then said, “oh, more people are going?”
He replied that yes, his ex’s sister and her boyfriend will be meeting them up there.
Uh-oh. Read on to see how this girlfriend responded.
I couldn’t stay quiet any longer and asked him why I wasn’t invited, since there seems to be a lot of more people going.
He told me he asked his ex if I could go and she said no. I asked why she said no, and he told me that she just said no and she doesn’t want to meet me.
It hurt my feelings, and I told him it’s very messed up for him to exclude me if he wanted me to be there, that his ex should suck it up, and that if he really wanted me there he should have stood up to her and let her know what he wanted.
I understand it’s his daughter’s birthday trip and it’s about her, but I just felt excluded from something important in his life that I wanted to be part of. I guess I was wrong to assume that I would be included.
Now he is mad at me because I made it a big deal and says he wont go. He should still go, all I wanted was to know why he didn’t invite me. Now I feel horrible and am wondering if I crossed the line by voicing my feelings.
AITA?
Just the daughter and her dad going to Disney World to celebrate her birthday is one thing.
An ever-increasing number of people being invited while this girlfriend is excluded is a whole other thing altogether.
Let’s see what Reddit thought of this.
Many Redditors thought that the woman was being taken advantage of.
This person agreed that she has put up with this situation for far too long.
While this person found the boyfriend’s behavior very suspicious.
And others encouraged decisive action.
She is clearly good enough to look after the kid: both of the co-parents accept this easy and free childcare solution.
And yet she still hasn’t met the mother of this child.
She can care for her, but isn’t allowed to celebrate her birthday?
This woman is totally being taken advantage of.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.
