Family weddings are supposed to be joyful, but sometimes they come with demands that cross the line.
So, what would you do if a bride insisted you throw her a bridal shower, even after you declined to be in the wedding party? Would you give in to avoid the drama? Or would you stand firm on your decision not to play a role?
In the following story, one sister faces increasing pressure from her brother and his fiancée to do this very thing.
Here’s what’s going on…
My brother Jay is marrying his fiancée Debbie in July.
Debbie asked my sister Christina and me to be bridesmaids, but we both turned it down (this becomes relevant later).
A couple of weeks ago, Debbie contacted Christina and me and demanded that we throw her a bridal shower, though this was more directed at me because Christina is currently in university. Her reasoning was that it was the least we could do after we said no to being bridesmaids, didn’t have any costs, and hadn’t contributed to the wedding yet.
She told Christina “no.”
I told Christina I would handle it since she is very conflict-averse, and I sent Debbie back a polite text saying we would not be planning, hosting, or attending any such shower.
Debbie got very angry and implied that she would try to uninvite us from the wedding.
I don’t think I am wrong to think that this is something the maid of honour unusually does for the bride, so I’m curious why this evening came close to landing on our plate in the first place.
The brother tried to reason with them, but the sisters weren’t interested.
Jay asked Christina and me to reconsider and even said he would pay for it if we’d just pretend we did.
I said absolutely not, and Christina can’t really plan it all on her own.
Jay is now getting pressure from Debbie to react to this in some way (I guess she wants us uninvited or to have some kind of “consequences” for us not helping).
This has caused a fair bit of drama. Jay’s mother (not my mother) has used this as an excuse to lay into him about Debbie, whom she dislikes.
Now, he feels like they’re ruining his wedding planning.
Jay’s dad and best man are giving him trouble for letting her treat us this way.
Jay is digging his heels in because he feels like we’re all ganging up on him.
He’s accused me of pretty much ruining the wedding planning experience and thinks that he won’t end up with a lot of family there if this goes on.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong for not wanting to do the shower.
AITA?
Eek. Planning a bridal party takes time, so it’s understandable why she wouldn’t want to help. I feel bad for her brother getting caught in the middle of all the drama.
Let’s see what the folks over at Reddit have to say about this.
Debbie sounds a lot like this woman.
This is a very good point!
Yes, the brother should probably take a long, hard look at this situation.
It does seem like a power play.
The fiancée is way too entitled!
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.
