Longtime friendships are bound to weather many storms over the years, but some wounds just cut too deep.
After losing a child, one woman confided in her friends the name she planned to give to her late daughter.
When her friends used the name for their new baby without consulting her, it reopened a painful wound.
You’ll want to read on for this one.
I (35F, Ann) am longtime friends with a married couple (40M and 42F).
I’ve been distant since the pandemic when their daughter was born, and they just confronted me about it about an hour ago.
The rift between them was a long time coming.
I started distancing when the husband started judging me for not making my marriage work.
There were extreme reasons I left that I never really broadcast for my children’s sake.
Some was very public which I addressed, but the rest I’ve kept quiet.
But one issue stood out from the rest.
But the most recent issue, is that I lost a child when I was 18.
She was born alive but survived only a few hours.
I chose a name for her, that I confided in them, that was very special to me.
It was a play on family names, but appropriate for a very unexpected and traumatic loss.
They used the name for their daughter.
I would have had no issue with this, but I found out in the Facebook announcement.
Which brought back some very painful and traumatic memories.
She tried to handle it tactfully, but she couldn’t shake the pain.
I didn’t say anything.
I don’t own the name, but I felt very disrespected that they chose not to even give me a heads up, especially as many in our friend circle know where they got it.
I was put on the spot as far as my reaction.
So I just distanced myself from them.
Her friends soon took notice and confronted her about it.
Well, about an hour ago I got a message from him that was very angrily worded.
Apparently he had been talking to a mutual friend about me and how I’ve shown no interest in their daughter.
He mentioned that them using the name without a heads up was very painful for me, and that it had put me on the spot because a lot of people had been asking for my reaction.
The friends decided to make a bad decision even worse.
He called me selfish and an AH for trying to “sully their joy with my pain” and “making everything about me” and that I “should just get over it, she passed years ago”.
IMO losing a child is something you never truly get over.
I was never rude, I never spoke badly of them or to them, I won’t talk about it with anyone.
Now she’s feeling a mix of emotions.
I’ve just chosen to protect myself and remain distant.
I wanted them to enjoy their daughter, they struggled with infertility for years and I am happy for them, it’s just painful for me and I felt very disrespected with how they handled it.
AITA?
Was I wrong to create distance in a 20 year friendship over this?
Or was my reaction reasonable?
Grief doesn’t fade on command, and it’s unfair for her friends to expect otherwise.
What did Reddit have to say?
True friends don’t purposely say things to hurt the other.
This commenter can’t believe her friends could be so heartless.
There’s no excuse for treating someone this way.
There’s just so many things wrong with this situation.
Once the foundation of a friendship is shaken, it’s hard to recover.
She didn’t ask for sympathy, just understanding – but it seemed even that was too much to give.
If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.
