Helping someone with depression is commendable, but it can be very taxing.
This 18-year-old shares how her older sister is not dealing with her depression in healthy ways and how she is expected to do many things for her even though she already has a full plate.
Now she’s wondering if she’s in the wrong for feeling overwhelmed.
Let’s analyze the situation.
So I (a 18 year old female) have a sister (21 years old). Four years ago she started to have issues with her thyroid.
I don’t know the details, but I know that she often passed out in school, as a result of her medical condition. She developed a deep depression and even when her condition got better after surgery her depression remained.
Even when she got a therapist.
She goes into more detail.
She graduated in 2023 and has been at home ever since.
She doesn’t work and doesn’t seek further education. She just sits in her bed all day.
She also refuses to do any chores, except for feeding some of our pets.
She explains how full her plate is.
I graduated in July 2024. I am also still at home, but I work a part-time job and I am studying to get my driver’s license.
I plan on going to university in late spring. But even with my jobs, I spend more time at home than I used to.
That’s why I took over most of the chores.
My father works full-time and doesn’t come home before 7 pm. My mother used to work full-time but now reduced her hours to help out with my sister.
Unfortunately, her sister has been behaving in ways that make helping her even more difficult.
I also have to take care of her.
I have to get her to wake up (that sometimes takes 2-3h), I have to make sure that she eats properly, I try to motivate her to do at least some chores and I have to check on her frequently.
She also tries to get my attention for hours by stealing my things and running off, jumping on my bed and refusing to leave, smearing my door with soap and toothpaste, waking up my hamster, etc.
This sounds like a nightmare, but she has been doing her best.
I normally react to all that calmly, because I know how she really feels. But I started to get angrier with time, because it’s just incredibly childish and I don’t know how to stop her.
She also doesn’t leave the house alone.
When she wants to go shopping I have to go with her and she constantly begs for me to do things with her.
Most of the time, I give in.
She even observed patterns in her behavior…
Her depression is very predictable.
A few weeks everything goes great and then after some time (mostly before doctors appointments/meetings with her therapist), she has a breakdown.
She was sent to two clinics for that and when It happened again a week ago she was sent to a third. Monday she got in and Tuesday she was in tears, already demanding to leave.
Not a week later they are legally not allowed to keep her any longer.
Nothing seems to change, no matter how hard they try.
This happened before.
She shows everyone how bad she has it, then everyone moves earth and sun for her to get proper help and there she refuses to get any help and just demands to leave as soon as possible.
My mom and I have to pick her up today from the last clinic. She called me earlier telling me the news.
Things came to a boiling point.
I told her that I don’t support her decision and that her behavior was unfair to anyone who worries about her and tries to help her.
She tells me that this time it won’t be like the other times, but she promised that multiple times already and the next time she won’t get into a better clinic.
We got into an argument and a few minutes in I got really angry and told her that I don’t want to babysit her anymore. Now she’s calling me a jerk.
AITA?
Taking care of an adult in this way should never have fallen on an 18-year-old’s shoulders.
Let’s see what Reddit has to say about this situation.
A reader makes a suggestion.
Someone shares a few wise words.
This commenter suggests what to say.
Another reader chimes in.
Another commenter shares their opinion.
This person keeps it to the point.
It’s not easy helping someone with depression.
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