Family dynamics are complicated, and when health crises arise, they can become even more tangled.
For one daughter, a lifetime of strained relations with her mother—compounded by years of unhealthy habits—makes a heartfelt plea for support an impossible decision.
Read on for the story.
I (27F) was asked by my mom (57F) to move in with me because she has cancer and cannot work because of it.
I said no.
My mom and I have a bit of a tense relationship because growing up, as soon as I was able to do a chore, she stopped doing it.
Meaning me and my brother (29m) had to do everything in the house by age of 10.
That’s all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. if we didn’t do it, it didn’t get done.
That’s no way for children to live!
She also does things that are very detrimental to her health, like smoking 3 packs of cigarettes per day and not taking care of her diabetes.
Everyone around her told her to stop, including doctors, but she wouldn’t.
And once we got old enough to work, we paid a bulk of the bills.
I went away to college at 18 and came back for the summer.
It was unbearable.
It was back to the same thing, I did everything.
But she was so hard to live with.
She was so loud without a care of anyone in the house.
I moved out right after.
Throughout the years, she neglected her health to the point where she couldn’t work because she would neglect her diabetes, wouldn’t work to lose weight, wouldn’t stop smoking.
She’d miss so many days she couldn’t pay her bills and would rely on us to catch her up.
When we moved out, she just never picked up any slack.
This just keeps getting worse and worse.
Now she has cancer very likely due to her choices.
She can’t work.
She needs a place to go.
She asked my brother, he said no because he has a baby.
So she asked me, and I said no.
If I say yes, it will affect my partner I own a house with.
We have 2 bedrooms but no space for her.
It would be miserable for both of us.
But I also know she won’t change.
And if she goes into remission, she still won’t leave.
Taking her in now means taking her in for life and I am not ok with that.
Family heard I said no and they came at me saying I was heartless and abandoned my mom.
Living with her after I left for college was a major burden on my mental health.
If I take her in, she will never leave.
And I don’t want to have to evict my mom.
It’s a pickle for sure.
She won’t take any steps to help herself, even when we do most of the work.
She will never support herself again because she knows someone else will do it.
AITA for not taking in my mother with cancer?
It’s easy for outsiders to call someone heartless, but they haven’t walked in this daughter’s shoes.
And Reddit agrees.
This person says oh well, karma is a you know what.
This person says the others just can’t understand because they haven’t lived it.
This person says 100% do not take her in.
Sometimes, setting boundaries is the most loving choice for everyone involved.
Even if it’s hard for some to see.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.
