When families get together at the holidays, it’s hard to avoid some kind of drama.
In today’s story, there’s a lot of drama between cancer, a job loss and a father-in-law who seems to have it out for his daughter-in-law.
Now the daughter-in-law is wondering if she should avoid the in-laws at Christmas.
Let’s dive into all the details…
For context – I have been with my husband for 14 years and we have an 11yo daughter.
I was previously married and have a 19 yo son and 18yo daughter from that marriage.
As I said, my husband and I have been together for 14 years.
Her father-in-law doesn’t like her.
In that time I have had to put up with his AH father constantly putting me down and making it clear he thinks I’m not good enough for his son.
We both dislike each other intensely but remain civil for the sake of the family.
I love his mother and siblings and their families.
All of them – except him.
His family knows that he can be mean.
He makes snide remarks any chance he gets and takes any opportunity to put me down or criticize anything I do.
His family know what he’s like, but don’t make an issue of it so as not to upset his mum – which I understand.
They’ve also put up with him and his attitude all their lives so it doesn’t really phase them anymore.
I can live with that.
Her mother-in-law is dying.
Here’s where it gets tricky.
My MIL is terminally ill with inoperable cancer. She has been given a year. 3 at the most.
This could be her last Christmas, although I really hope it’s not.
As all 3 of their children are adults with their own extended families, it becomes a juggling act and we (hubby, child and myself) are usually the only ones there on Christmas day with them.
I also have my adult children who I would like to spend some of the day with. Again, trying to coordinate with them and if/when they’re with their dad and his family.
She lost her job.
Cut to May of this year.
I was fired from my job for something I didn’t do.
It’s now in the hands of my lawyer, but my reputation has been damaged. It has really affected me and destroyed my confidence as I had a great reputation prior.
She doesn’t want to have to talk to her father-in-law about losing her job.
So. I know that if I spend Christmas day at my in laws, he is going to bring up why I’m not working etc (they don’t know why).
This will inevitably lead to me not wanting to discuss it, and him pushing the issue.
If I tell him I don’t want to talk about it, he’ll make a big deal about it. If I do tell him why, he’ll turn it all around on me and use it to support his view that I’m not good enough. In either case, things will be uncomfortable and may escalate further (verbally).
My mental state is not great right now and I’m sick of his garbage.
Her priority is her mother-in-law enjoying Christmas.
I don’t want that to upset my MiL, I want her to enjoy the day.
I also don’t want our daughter to witness it and get upset.
He won’t care as he will put more importance on bringing me down, rather than being happy as a family.
She’s considering not visiting her in-laws on Christmas.
I would obviously rather spend my time with my oldest two before they grow up and have families of their own and it becomes even more hectic.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t see them, but I think you know what I mean.
So, fellow Redditors, WIBTA if I stay home with my oldest kids and enjoy part of the day with them instead of going to my inlaws and risking an argument?
I wonder if she has talked to her husband about this. He might be able to offer some advice. If it’s her mother-in-law’s last Christmas, it’s too bad not to spend it with her, but I understand also wanting to avoid drama that might ruin the day.
Let’s see how Reddit responded…
This person suggests visiting the mother-in-law after the holidays.
Her husband needs to stand up for her.
This person thinks taking 2 cars to the in-laws’ house is a good idea.
Here’s a vote for not going to the in-laws’ at all.
This reader thinks the husband is a big part of the problem.
She should try to visit her mother-in-law on a day when her father-in-law isn’t around.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.
