How would you deal with an adult child who can’t take any job and plays video games all day long?
This mom offered an arrangement with her son who has no job, struggles with depression, and is a screen addict.
She told him he needed to complete 10 hours of work, like errands and house chores, but he seems to think that social outings should count towards those work hours.
She disagrees. Read the full story below and weigh in.
My son (23M) lives with me (45F).
He has not had a full-time, consistent job for nearly two years.
He struggles with depression.
And in my layman’s estimation, a screen-time addiction (80+hrs/wk).
This woman’s son refused to take on any jobs.
The past 3 years have been littered with false starts in schools (both expensive private ones and community college).
And just odd jobs here and there to sustain his car payment and insurance on his own.
He refuses to work retail or food services.
And has no formal education and only a modicum of experience in the skill areas he’s interested in.
He asked her for a loan as his car insurance was almost due.
He comes to me last week, with $2 in his bank account and car insurance due.
He asks me for a loan.
I tell him no because I don’t want to see him struggling in a debt hole without a reasonable way to get on top of it.
However, I will do a secured pre-payment for service.
She made an agreement with him.
If he’ll commit to doing 10 hours worth of work for me over 3 days (Friday to Sunday)—errands, to-do list, etc. I will front him the money he needs, plus a little bit of padding.
I do add one condition.
If the 10 hours are not completed by midnight Sunday, the power cable to his laptop will become mine until the hours are completed.
Knowing that the only reason things usually don’t get done is because he’s gaming with friends.
He was not pleased with the terms but he agreed.
He is grumpy about it, but agrees as he’s out of short-term options.
Car insurance is due Friday.
He wanted to opt-out of the social outing they previously planned.
Saturday afternoon, he’s completed 5.5 of the 10 hours.
He is drained and frustrated from an assembly project I gave him and asks to bail on our previously-planned social outing to a concert with some family and friends that evening.
I tell him he’s an adult, and I’m not going to make him do anything.
I said it was 100% his call whether to come or not.
But I highly encouraged him to come as time away from screens in the real world would do his mental health some good.
But, he still came with them.
He comes, but is meh-attitude about it the whole time.
He complains about the music, and is on his phone a lot.
I pay for his ticket, his dinner, and his two adult beverages while we’re out.
For him, attending the concert was part of the work, so he thought his work hours had been completed.
Upon waking at noon on Sunday, he asserts that his “work” obligation is completed by the prior evening’s social outing.
I disagree, saying that “work” is different from “effort.”
I realize it took effort to go out, and I applaud that effort.
However, earning money is about providing a valuable service to other people and while I enjoyed his company, that particular effort was really in a service to himself.
She didn’t agree and still took his power cable.
He did not speak to me the rest of the day, pointedly avoided my direct attempts to be polite and offer pleasantries and proceeded to hole up in his office and play video games with friends.
Today, the work is not complete.
I am a person of my word and have now taken his power cable to his computer.
Now, she wonders if what she did was wrong.
Yes, I should have had the foresight to clarify that going out was not counted towards work.
I thought it was patently obvious, but apparently not.
But, AITA for not counting his social outing towards his hours worked?
A previously planned social outing with friends is definitely not work.
Let’s find out what others have to say about this on Reddit.
This user speaks their mind.
You need a counselor, says this person.
Here’s a valid point from this user.
While according to this person, the son clearly needs help.
Finally, here’s a straightforward response from this person.
He’s 23, not 13. Stop treating him like a child.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.
